18 Disember 2010


 Where Does Romantic Love Come From?

    Just as we might like to believe that our human sexuality is 'natural',so we usually assume that 'falling in love' comes naturally. But historical investigation has discovered that what we know as romantic love is only about 800 years old.
This seems shocking and impossible to us as first,since we know that people have been mating and reproducing for millions of years.
But if we clearly separate lust from love,we can see that lust might have accounted for the sexual behavior of our ancestors even if they could never have understood a romantic Hollywood movie.

    Romantic love is a cultural construct,
which has been spread over the whole Earth by the mass media. Before radio, television, and movies—100 years ago— large parts of the world had never heard of 'falling in love'. They still had sexual relationships and families, of course,but the fantasy of romantic love did not run their relationships.

    Romantic love is basically an emotional story we tell ourselves. By means of the mass media, we have been programmed so that we 'fall in love' following the patterns prescribed in the Hollywood script. We try to reproduce a fantasy feeling. We 'fall in love' with the Dream Lover inside our own heads when we set out to find "someone to love".

Romantic Jealousy: Cause & Prevention

Jealousy arises in 'loving' relationships because of three factors:
(1) comparison, (2) competition, & (3) the fear of being replaced.
If we become more autonomous and self-creating, these three features of relationships become less significant and hence the passion of jealousy becomes less likely.

However, within ordinary, possessive relationships, jealousy is normal: 

If we find ourselves replaced, supplanted, traded-in for a better model, we naturally feel a tremendous sense of loss, anger, grief, & betrayal.

This bitter feeling of hurt and hostility called "jealousy" can become one of the most powerful obsessions of human life. 

And yet, this emotion is a social product—with deep cultural roots.

If enculturation has taught us how to feel jealous, can we transcend those learned responses and create relationships in which jealousy does not arise?

If we are loved for the unique persons we are becoming, then comparison with rivals diminishes. 

And when we are no longer in competition with other women or men, we become less vulnerable to feeling jealous. 

If we become irreplaceable in our relationships, then jealousy disappears.

Thus, the basic way to prevent jealousy is to become unique and irreplaceable persons. 

And becoming more Authentic might be the best way to transcend the threat of being replaced by potential rivals.

The worst part about walking away from you, is knowing you're not going to stop me. - Unknown

I guess to some extent you get used to being alone.  You get used to not expecting phone calls and having nothing to do at night.  You don't expect to turn around to open arms any longer.  The small sounds of her have been replaced by silence.  Your thoughts echo through your head, with no one to share them with.  All in all, being alone isn't terrible, it just hurts.